† Friday, October 24, 2008
y'know, next time i talk bout hair, remind me to talk botak .
The Light at the End of the Tunnel:
nobody really believes me when i tell them i have'nt even started studying for As .
its hard to believe too, its insane actually .
but i'm not insane, just lazy .
and yes, i really have not started studying yet, and i dont lie about such stuff .
but its good to see people working .
yeah, duh, i feel kinda sad but i'm not going to play devil's advocate and make them retain .
i dont think i have a problem with history, especially if i aint studying some other subject .
i'd be treating lit as a test of where my level is in the actual As so i can plan what to do next year .
econs is totally gone, this week was supposed to be devoted to econs yet when i come school to study, i'm either sleeping or leaving by 1 to play LAN all by myself haha .
maths, duh, start working on it next year .
gp aint a problem .
so my best prospects ?
60 points .
worse ?
40ish i hope .
in any case, i'm really hoping that once you fail one H2(econs), i can retain .
i used to feel really pressured by my relatives, all below ten pointers except me .
thank God for my parents, they're fairly more successful compared to the other uncles and aunties so i'm shielded for now .
sure, people will do the typical auntie thing, but honestly, i wish i could give a damn .
after hearing bout the RJC principal, i kinda realised that life is not all about your early mugging years .
so what if you made it through at "normal" speed, if you're going to be stuck in the cubicle everyday or end up doing something that totally bores you when you're only in it for the money .
how would the "normal" speed graduates feel when someone who retains and repeats ends up as their employer .
sucky .
at least if i end up like that, i deserve to .
but if you mug and cram and end up like me, LOL .
i guess Life is more than money and good living .
most people want either recognition or wealth or both .
sure, i wont mind wealth and i kinda crave recognition but whats the point ?
all of us end up together in heaven where there isnt any need for wealth nor recognition .
i know more than a few who set their sights on a mercedes, lambo, BMW....
some others set their sights on a huge house, or a jetsetting job .
for me, i'm very very contented with a condo, cause i need the pool to help my condition and i'm bloody lazy to just pop by the local swimming complex and any car, as long as it works fine .
condo may be a bit far for my laziness to attain but i wouldnt die without it .
a car, who knows, when the oil runs dry, everyone is forced onto the public transport system anyways .
i guess the only reason why money is important to me now is for my parents whom i need to support and a family if i have one .
but i dont think i'd have a family, so its just my parents i'm worried about .
its just this zen stage i'm in right now, could be denial or could be that i've finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel .
having my own family used to be my top priority in life, but looking at my condition at only 18, i shudder to think what i would be like at 30 .
so now, my priority is serving God and the community .
just take the years on earth like a man and who knows, God might "parole" me and let me up earlier .
my absolute dream job now is being a international social worker, travelling to war torn or disaster ridden locations and help out .
apart from the nagging worry of having my head sawn off by extremists .
if not, i'd just work with the elderly .
i dont really like taking care of kids, i cant keep up anyways and the plight of the elderly is very close to my heart .
its just the language(s) barrier thats holding me back .
and finally, being a teacher isnt a bad option .
but if i cant teach in a JC, forget it, teaching is out .
talking bout teaching, Mark Wong's story also kinda revealed Life to me .
he studied in a poly, went overseas to do a degree i think and returned eventually to get a degree in history .
sure, he might be a few years late but he's exactly where the other teachers are, who mostly breezed through JC and formed the elite in Uni .
Mr Wong showed me that passion conquers all .
he struggled very badly with his original choice of specialisation but when he studied history, his passion propelled him forward .
if i'm not wrong, he did the American Civil War and logistics of the 100 year war so something .
and for me, i would very much like to do Nazi Propaganda and the transition from swords to muskets, which i have a huge curiosity in but cant find the relevant articles .
hopefully, my closet nazism and weird curiosity would be enough passion to help me .
so, thanks to a few really inspirational figures (God might have a role in this), i'd realised that 1., Life is more than the initial years of mugging and 2., theres another Life, the everlasting one that makes our present existence seem like nothing .
and i would really like to undergo the shame and humiliation, so i can have a richer experience of the underdogs .
hopefully, the time of testing would temper me into a better person .
both my parents retained, my mum in primary 6 and my dad in sec 3 .
both went on to be the most successful among their siblings .
so what if i retain, so what if i'm dumb .
so what if i dont rise above everyone else ?
as long as i'm contented with my Life, and God is happy with me, screw everything else .
the only pressing worry i have now is how i'm going to endure being with another class after 2A01 .
plus i'm going to be like a third party, the J1 bond is now tempered after a year together .
i'm going to hide in the library but what about tutorials ?
will they shun me ?
and how stupid and useless will i then look, when none of my friends knows my condition and help me to get by school are there anymore ?
would i still dare sit in the comfy red chair in Lit ?
can i force myself up without help and struggle to right my posture without being noticed ?
sigh .
i dont mind if they ignore me but i dont want to be laughed at or stared at .
and i have a gut feeling that 2A01 2008 is the only class with the best mix of innocence and understanding .
2A01 2009 however is just a repeat of my nightmare class in sec 3 and 4 .
damn .
just got to grit my teeth and struggle through i guess .
2A01 2008 .
i really hope you all will make it .
cause if any class deserve to make it, its you guys .
sure, we might be lazy and emo and beng and minah and goth and bimbo(s) and so on .
but every single one of you have the purest heart and intention without any pretension .
i really hope that in my darkest days next year, i can have the chance to hear and count upon your successes .
i mean, if you guys dont make it, man, something is screwed up up there .
and maybe, just maybe, one day, i can rejoin the successes of 2A01 2008, and finally rediscover the one place and the one company that i truly, truly felt at home with .
i'd never forget the best 2 years of my Life, and being in the presence of the best damn people i know .
Thanks Joel, oft partner-in-crime, without your humor and wit, *shudders*
-My ROFL kinfe so slaec slaec slaec, your mum, no you, sad face, LOLLOLLLOLLOOL.
-Fluffy, DAMN !
Thank you Lionel. For sitting beside me and knowing that i can go loopy sometimes while being loopy yourself too.
-Bitch, Slut, Whore, Prostitute, Strumpet, Geisha.
-"hurhurhur, i got ink on my thumb, hurhurhur".
-*inches away from patson*
Thanks Charlotte, for being downright irratic or serious when we need it. And sorry for all the times i annoyed and grief-ed you. i know i'm a bastard sometimes(and i'm sorry for it). And thank God you're in my PW team man. Oh, your massages too, even though it lasts for the whole of 5 mins hahah.
Thanks Shirlene, for all the food firstly, and all the times you helped me. Although i'm still more thankful for the food hahah. Oh yeah, thanks for always helping me up!
And thank you, all four of you, for giving me a place in your group when i was drifting around. For someone who never stayed with a same group for long before, its a testimony of how great you guys are as friends, if i could hang out with you all for so long and stay.
Thank you Leo, for being the few who can shoot me down and for all the memories of us dancing together for the college dance in class orientation and for the first few months of school. I'm sorry that we drifted apart though, which is entirely my fault.
THANK YOU CLAUDIA, for without someone who is bimbotic enough to irritate me, i wouldnt have derived so much entertainment and enhance my sarcasm ever. Hahah, okay okay, i'm sorry and i did try to stop. But you're just too....urgh most of the times for me to take it. Sorry though, you can laugh at me in return when you go uni.
Thanks Fiona, if there was one person i'm sure God sent, its you. Thanks for being there especially in the spiritual department and for showing me that Faith and Devotion is very possible to achieve.
And a big thanks to you three, for supporting me especially last year. And thanks for listening to all my woes and worries!
Thanks Steph, for all the times you really tried to help me in maths. And i'm really sorry for dozing off on our bus trips home, cant help it hahah.
Thanks Cheryl, for the trust you have in me for history. I'm really sorry if i misguided you in history hahah.
Thanks Mai, for teaching this pseudo UG leader commands and all. Oddly, when i think of you, i get this image of a wise owl.
And thanks to you three, for being the most innocent, genuine and talented people i have ever met!
Thanks Marian, for PW and for sharing with me stuff that is present in our class.
Thanks Aisyah, for being one of the few people who can shoot me down too. And for really trying to help me!
Thanks Joyce, for introducing me to the vampire books, got alot of techniques from there. And also for sharing with me stuff that is present in our class.
And thank you, all three of you for showing me that not all "matured" people are intimidating and elite, for all of you too, have the purest of hearts.
Thanks Zhi Xian, for introducing me to YHope, and for all the times you helped me. I'm sorry, cause i was a bastard to you many a times, even though you still helped me when i needed help. Really hope i have the opportunity to see you being accepted for who you are, cause you're not bad, just misunderstood.
Thanks Shawn, for entertaining the rest of us, and for showing maturity beyond any of us sometimes. And also for showing not all sports people are elite too.
Thanks you James, for entertaining endlessly too. All i can say is, have fun in divers lol.
And thank you, the CS team(Joel too), for all the times we had at the LAN shop, the accidental teamkills("Oops." "F**K YOU JAMES!") and the time we ganged ZX and knifed him. Thanks for guiding me especially in DOTA, for enduring my total noobiness and being farmed by the enemy. Seriously, i never laughed so much while playing LAN or be happy even if i got lowest frag. I never have so much fun with any other friends in LAN, period. LAN after Lit paper? LOL
To Yanni, i can only say sorry for ostracizing you, last year especially, i dont know why i did it and i'm sorry for it.
Thanks Sarah, for spurring me on in GP and History, if not, i'd would have been really complacent.
And finally thank you Aqidah, for all the memories we had, and i'm really really sorry for my erratic behaviour, and for hurting you so much. It wasnt intentional, and i still have no idea why.
All in all, i cant express fully how much gratitude i have to be in A1, to be amidst all of you. I'm sorry if i left out any apologies and things i should thank you guys for, its just that i'm really overwhelmed by all the memories i have, and i can only pick out the ones i remember now. I'm just really really thankful i'm in A1 man.
damn, i'm really going to miss you guys .
snippets . @ 7:16 AM
