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Catch 22 . +


† Sunday, March 27, 2011

240 / 500 done.

starting to lose my pushup ability, not good.

anyways a few good news:

1. CFC
all my life, one of the few sources of pride i had was attaining the highest rank possible in my CCAs. and now for my NS life, the CFC nomination which i have been waiting so long for is here. full marks given so getting it shouldnt be a problem and it is a great source of satisfaction that this record is still in the running as I was...

2. Earmarked as a Captain for 50th
when i went back for bb camp last week, this was the last thing i expected to hear. suddenly the officers just told me frankly that i was earmarked to be a future captain and weirdly enough, i was only mildly surprised.

i have a sneaking suspicion that subconsciously i knew how much time being regular in the bb is going to take, not counting the church i cannot skip for the pastors to approve. actually when i was in the bb, being a chaplain was what i was targeting but seeing how screwed up my Christian life is now, i guess that's out of the question.

i'm going to use mr kang as a template then, if God give me someone to spend the rest of my life with (which i'm seriously doubting but cool with it now) then i might seriously consider leaving it or stepping down, if not, God granted, i'd just soldier on till a better captain is found.

3. Going back to church
its been a long while and finally i started going back to morning service. hopefully God will grant me the strength to carry on attending regularly.

snippets . @ 7:21 AM

† Saturday, March 19, 2011

180 / 500 done.

i have a bad feeling about this co. dont know how am i going to last the next 6 months.

first time i cracked under the pressure in camp today.

so many things to do and no one appreciates it.

back to my first BB meeting for a long long while.

hopefully God will help me attend BB regularly.
snippets . @ 1:32 AM

† Thursday, March 10, 2011

80 / 500 done.

think i'm finally over the whole nsf of the year thing.

i took a step back and looked carefully, he really did more work than me.


yes he came in later, yes he's held to a higher responsibility, but still all in all, i'm the one sitting on the sofa chillaxing while he's still slogging away.

yep, over it completely, a nomination is good enough.

anyways gotta brag about something

i could never do a SINGLE pushup in the past, it was all half fuck bullshit.

sometime ago in november 10 i think, something just clicked in my head.

oh actually i remembered now, was reading about this halo player who did 20 pushups whenever he died in game.

i was hooked on MW2 then and thought "hell, if he could do it so can i."

so i swore to do 20 pushups everytime i end up with more deaths than kills.

my MW2 ain't great and things picked up from there.

by end dec, i was able to do a decent pushup after doing like 60-80 pushups almost everyday.

around jan, i stopped playing MW2 for quite a while and did like 60-80 pushups every 4 days or so.

anyways i can see the difference (i have only deltoids it seems, sandy says it looks like cancer) and new goal, 100 pushups in a single sitting.

still cannot believe that 4 months ago, i could not even do a single proper one.

one of the biggest accomplishments in my life.
snippets . @ 6:57 AM

† Wednesday, March 02, 2011

500 pushups.

fuck.

okay i'd clear it slowly.

anyways, been really busy these weeks.

not the tedious, brainless, slog kind of busy printing loads and loads and edit the fuck out of tiny details that no one gives a shit about.

no this was real busy. like out-of-my-paygrade EQ challenging mental endurance and training kind of busy.

i'm actually enjoying it.

like what por yee said when i told him this, its fun cause it is mildly challenging yet doable.

anyways,

i'm a seeker of praise, glory and all that shit.

if undertaking that certain something means people will know i did it, i'd volunteer in a heartbeat.

but if its a thankless, unappreciated behind the scenes kind of deal, fuck off.

i guess the reason why i undertook all this fund management bullshit its cause at the very least someone might be more inclined to put me up for outstanding serviceman of the month.

after getting nominated in feb last year and not winning this, i really wanted to get this award before i leave army.

then, someone put me up for NSF of the year and now this award is like a consolation prize.

i cant win the award definitely so why the flying fuck am i caring so much about it?

i kinda screwed up my interview with the commanders and mine was the shortest one yet this tiny fuck-stubborn piece of me still cling on to the hope that i can win.

and i'm really pissed right now.

for the past year the month thing was all i wanted.

if i got it i'm honest to god, really satisfied.

now this award comes and screws everything up.

okay the other guy does more work on a daily basis.

but his paygrade is higher, hence his responsibilities are higher.

i'm doing more than what is ever expected of a enlisted man.

ah fuck it.

think i really got to resolve my lust for recognition and awards.
snippets . @ 4:19 AM