† Wednesday, March 02, 2011
500 pushups.
fuck.
okay i'd clear it slowly.
anyways, been really busy these weeks.
not the tedious, brainless, slog kind of busy printing loads and loads and edit the fuck out of tiny details that no one gives a shit about.
no this was real busy. like out-of-my-paygrade EQ challenging mental endurance and training kind of busy.
i'm actually enjoying it.
like what por yee said when i told him this, its fun cause it is mildly challenging yet doable.
anyways,
i'm a seeker of praise, glory and all that shit.
if undertaking that certain something means people will know i did it, i'd volunteer in a heartbeat.
but if its a thankless, unappreciated behind the scenes kind of deal, fuck off.
i guess the reason why i undertook all this fund management bullshit its cause at the very least someone might be more inclined to put me up for outstanding serviceman of the month.
after getting nominated in feb last year and not winning this, i really wanted to get this award before i leave army.
then, someone put me up for NSF of the year and now this award is like a consolation prize.
i cant win the award definitely so why the flying fuck am i caring so much about it?
i kinda screwed up my interview with the commanders and mine was the shortest one yet this tiny fuck-stubborn piece of me still cling on to the hope that i can win.
and i'm really pissed right now.
for the past year the month thing was all i wanted.
if i got it i'm honest to god, really satisfied.
now this award comes and screws everything up.
okay the other guy does more work on a daily basis.
but his paygrade is higher, hence his responsibilities are higher.
i'm doing more than what is ever expected of a enlisted man.
ah fuck it.
think i really got to resolve my lust for recognition and awards.
snippets . @ 4:19 AM
